All of my life, I was accustomed to structure. I did what I was told and never questioned anything. I followed the norms of the environments I entered on a daily basis. Now, the structure that others have put in place for me to follow are no longer the structures that I am following. I am making my own plans of action.
Take for instance papers, through my years as an undergraduate and a graduate student, papers were assigned and they were written according to the structure the teacher supplied. The professors gave me a road map and it was followed. Now, the road map is self designed. So coming up with a question and a design for the research did not seem so straight forward for me because I was accustomed to the structure already being designed for me in the past.
As I am stepping into a new future both professionally and academically, I am learning a lot about myself. I am finding that I have a voice in this world as I was raised under the teaching of "speak when spoken to" and now I find that I have a little more to say. However, I still hold some of the same beliefs about talking as I think it is important to only speak once you have given thought to your comment or question. The process of thinking is what is making the research project a little troublesome for me as I keep trying to imagine the process. Is it wrong to try to think ahead? Will my thoughts make me trip and fall?
I have watched my little nephew plan his next attack. He stands in front of the television, looking intently at the screen. Well, at least I believe that is what he is doing. Then, he bends down and starts pushing buttons. He shuts the television off and then after a few seconds, he turns it back on. On Friday, he pushed the power off and then on again. Then, he kept pressing buttons until black and white squiggly lines filled the screen. After some time, I asked my dad to turn off the television and he did. My nephew did not agree and so he turned it back on...Now, the volume was down to 0 and it was on channel 85. He sat there and played with the buttons until the television was on the correct channel to receive signal from the cable box and the volume was up. When he was finished, he walked away. He accomplished his goal. Now I have no clue what this 20 month old boy was thinking. All I know is that he made sure that the television was showing clearly before he walked away. What his initial goal was, I still don't know?
But I do know that he is teaching me to take some chances.
Interesting reflection on "structure"-I am also experiencing the challenge of all the choice and open-ended options in my current research projects. While I usually embrace all the freedom and creativity that comes with choice (I grew up with artists and musicians), I want to make sure that the path and processes that I am choosing are actually suited to the collection of pertinent data to answer my research questions.
ReplyDeleteI related to your "thinking ahead" comments too. Every time I planned and thought ahead (trying to use the "backwards design" concept) I thought about alternative approaches which gave me reason to pause and rethink my methods. My guess is that novice researchers as well as seasoned researchers, to a degree, have this experience.
Sounds like your little nephew knew what his goal was and accomplished it!
Shamel--
ReplyDeleteImo, you were taught well. I don't think anyone could ever accuse you of speaking before giving "thought to your comment or question." I'm convinced that if more people followed that practice, this world would be a better place.